Doomoo's Blog

For some reason my movie-watching frequency at theaters has taken a nosedive in the recent past. So maybe it was desperation that led me to watch Kambhakkt Ishq when a friend who recently moved into town invited me. After I watched it though, I could think of only one word for it – brilliant.
(Left: Akshay Kumar and Kareena Kapoor – wincing in delight)

Its punchy storyline and ultrakewl production design have you in awe from the first second. The script essays the antics of a very hot Indian-origin-soon-to-be-surgeon-cum-part-time-model in the US who tries to recover her mantra-chanting watch which she accidentally leaves inside a Hollywood stuntman whom she hates during her first surgery, only to discover that both of them are inconsolably, unspeakably, indisputably in love.

No, really.

This plot, my friend, is a flash of inspiration from the Gods. We can only wonder how such a brilliant storyline escaped the consciousness of all script writers, past, present and future.

Apart from the general brilliance, there is also a very tasteful scene in which an African-American lady digs into Akshay Kumar’s butthole looking for smuggled goods. Of course, this is all in good humour and hence the movie is rated UA.

Annuuuu Mallliiiikkk – dear Lord. He, with any other spelling would smell the same. The song, ‘Bebo, main bebo’ had me tapping my feet in the cinema hall, but I had to stop because the person seated in front of me had a slight dislocation of the spinal cord. I also saw many others tap their feet out of the theater at this stage. They must have had something real important to do, because they missed one HELL of a movie.

There is also the presence of Hollywood, thus validating this movie for kewlness. I mean really, we are cool so we must like Hollywood films and their stars, right? So Stallone plays a cameo as himself, and not only does he give a Taurus award to Akki at an awards ceremony studded with fake stars, he even rescues surgeon Kareena and lingerie model Amrita Arora while they are driving through a shady neighbourhood with that Aftab fellow who never does any major roles. Mr Balboa just happens to be walking by at that time. After punching the lights out of the goons, he says ‘Kambhaaaakt Eeeeessshk’, for no particular reason and resumes his walk, this time (hold your breath) in slow motion.

Also there is Denise Richards, who seems to have reduced in quantity to Denise Richard as Akki-playa-Kumar calls her. We couldn’t handle more than one of her, but one is just about right I think. Especially since our man dumps her for the surgeon with whom he finally finds trulowe.

So please, take your infants, toddlers, pre-teenagers and other family members to this movie. It’s an experience you will never forget. Never.

Rating: 0.5 / 10

I have nothing against slow movies. I like some of them, I really do. But I don’t like slow and stupid. And that’s exactly what ‘Seven Pounds’ is. This Will Smith starrer had me reaching under my skin and pulling my organs out!

During the first half of the movie, you feel like you’re being set up for something – a wild twist or at least an interesting ending, but by the end of the movie you just feel plain set up.

The movie follows an IRS agent Ben Thomas who goes around meeting people to make judgments about whether they are basically good or bad people. That very notion makes the movie a little immature as against something like ‘Crash’ which showed different sides of human personalities so beautifully. You have no idea why he’s doing this (or at least that’s what the script assumes you think), but you don’t need any exceptional prescience to feel a crappy revelation coming on; and this is what the the fate of the movie rests on – a mushy, boring and contrived ‘twist’.

As it plays out, the ending scores high on the cheesometer (a couple of notches below Hancock maybe, but that’s still quite high) and some bizarre structuring fails to pick it up. After a few flashbacks and leading hints questions like, “What happened in his past life?” and “What does this lead to?” start giving way to “Why are they tormenting me so?” and “Where should I have dinner after this?”

The characters are poorly developed with the judgmental protaganist being the most ordinary of them all. Will Smith has acted well, so too have most of the actors, but there’s only so much lipstick you can put on a pig. Gabriele Muccino’s direction fails to come even close to the magic of ‘Happy-ness’ and the movie’s meandering dialogue and uni-dimensional plot fail to engross you at any point . The teary-eyed characters are a constant reminder to the fact that you are completely wasting precious minutes of your life.

One-line review: Slow, boring and entirely missable. It’s a 4 on 10.

Last year’s Om Shanti Om (I know, I know. You hate it.) had some incredible hamming by Deepika Padukone and Shah Rukh Khan as actors from the 70′s in the Hindi Film Industry. I found this refreshing in that the industry was finally learning to laugh at itself. This year’s ‘Luck by Chance’ takes it one step further by casting a meticulously constructed, critical yet fairly realistic eye on the workings of the Maya-nagari dream factory.

Farhan Akhtar plays a smart, confident, struggling actor trying to make his mark. His big break happens when a major star, played by Hrithik Roshan turns down the producer who gave him his first break. Rishi Kapoor is awesome here, he plays a very atypical role. However, the movie-within-the-movie needs to succeed as it is a debut for a starlet played by Isha Sharwani who’s mother (Dimple Kapadia) is one of those Bollywood moms obsessed with ensuring their daughters do well. The gist of it is [minor spoiler alert] that Farhan gets the role and plays a lead character of the movie, but finds it difficult to keep his old life going. His girlfriend played by Konkona Sen Sharma, also a struggling actor goes through all the ups and downs and more on account of her relationship with him.

The interesting thing about the movie is that it works a very real premise – that of new stars being given headlining roles only when starlets or already established stars refuse to do them. The film cites Amitabh Bachchan in ‘Zanjeer’ and Shah Rukh Khan in ‘Darr’ and ‘Baazigar’ to lend credibility to that claim.

The movie is anchored in reality; the characters are not too shallow and it leaves a few ends loose on purpose (for example, Farhan never knows that Konkona had a hand in him getting his break). However what starts as a light comedy, moves into a slightly more serious mode with the protagonist using whatever means necessary to get ahead in the business – some smart and some not necessarily ethical. The end is a bit of a let down and what should have been about 10-15 minutes of material has been stretched to at least half an hour. There are a couple of songs (overall, I didn’t like the music much except the one song where Farhan waits for the audition) which leaves you wondering whether they should have been there at all and maybe one too many characters.

Overall though, it’s a very good, real look at the Hindi movie industry (I’m not using the term ‘Bollywood’ after seeing one of the characters dislike for the term!). Technically it’s a good film, a few archaic scene fadeouts notwithstanding. The irony of it all is that there are so many star kids in the movie themselves, starting with the hero and all those making cameo appearances from Abhishek to Viveayik (is that how it’s spelt now?).

One line review – a fine, fresh movie and a definite must watch. I give it a 7.5 on 10.

Now that we’ve resiliently moved on from the terrorist attacks, it’s time to do a little movie review. Today we feature ‘Sorry, bhai!’.

Bollywood has been getting bolder about challenging the value systems portrayed on screen so far, from extra-marital affairs, the Lolita style ‘Nishabdh’, the wildly controversial ‘Fire’, and even the boring ‘Dostana’. Not that it’s always a good thing, as some of these movies prove. ‘Sorry, bhai!’ is another movie that, at it’s heart, challenges some fundamental ‘values’ that were the staple of Bollywood films for years.

The film is largely a flashback of a family comprising Sharman Joshi, Sanjay Suri, Chitrangada Singh (Va-va-voom!), Boman Irani, a couple of kids and a deceased mother. It starts out on a humorous note with Joshi, the mad scientist trying to prove the existence of tele-kinetic energy with the help of a plastic dog called ‘Einstein’. His absent-minded-scientist forgetfulness and boyish acting is the source of much of the film’s humor.

As the trailers show, this movie is obviously one of a younger brother doing something he’s not proud of with his brother’s fiancee. (Hence, the title ‘Sorry, bhai!’). That is the only spoiler you’ll read here. The heart of the movie is the nicely woven chemistry between the members of the dysfunctional family and the daughter-in-law to be, owing in no small part to the veterans Boman Irani and Shabana Azmi. Boman Irani is the typical happy dad, and Shabana does a great job of portraying a tough-as-nails mother with a softer side, but the movie brings out their weak and strong moments well, making them more human. The very hot Chitrangada Singh also does a good job of playing the ‘Draupadi’ of the film as someone in the audience pointed out. I take this opportunity to make a special mention for the loser who kept screaming his opinions throughout the movie. Fuck you. May your mouth be riddled with worms.

Speaking of negatives, the only problem I had with the film was the rather slow and lack lustre last forty-five minutes or so. It took away from the interaction between the characters and the songs seemed wrongly timed. There was a little too much boo-hoo-life’s-so-tough for my liking and it certainly took the sheen off the enormous expectations that the first half built.

All, in all, I had a feeling that this would be a damp squib and the only reason I watched it was that I had a few hours to kill; it definitely exceeded my expectations which were rock bottom to start with. Worth a watch, for sure.

My rating: 6.5 on 10

Dear readers,

Well call me mushy, girly or a repressed homosexual. I really did like SATC – the movie. Admittedly, I’m the only guy I know that actually likes the series. So I was really looking forward to the movie and wasn’t disappointed.

The movie name turned out to be a misnomer and the guys in the front seat at the movie hall (where tickets sell for 10 bucks) were certainly disappointed as all the ‘exciting’ parts that they had come to watch were ruthlessly censored, even at the cost of taking away from the flow of the movie. For me, a guy at the back however, the movie was more about forgiveness, relationships and their ups and downs, and marriage. Although, I don’t necessarily subscribe to all the opinions expressed in the movie, I did (deep breath) shed a few tears here and there, seeing as how I’m a sucker for corny lines.

If you like the series, I think you’ll like the movie. I went with high expectations and was not disappointed.

My Rating: 8 on 10.

You may kill me now.

From a troubled superhero in the first and second chapter of the movie series, Spidey becomes a popular and loved figure in part 3. The movie starts off well enough with all being nice and rosy for Peter what with him weaving webs under the night sky and laying there blissfully with his sweetheart Mary Jane. But the fan is soon to get shit-hit when an asteroid bearing black, evil gooey stuff transforms our oh-so-loveable hero into a powerful, and power seeking maniac.

The third part should have been more action packed, considering there were two villains and Spidey’s personal turmoil with the black, gooey stuff, and it is. But, somehow the whole movie seemed to go for the commercial angle, and absolutely cheesy humour. I mean sure, I’m a cynic, and you can’t trust everything I say, but there were times you thought the story line meandered, the dialogue was a little pointless and that if they didn’t have the cool Spidey swinging-around-in-the-city special effects, you’d have probably gotten up and left. There are shots that just smack obscenely obviously of the cheesiness, esp the imagery of the American flag in the background (although it was just a one or two second thing), and the last scene reminiscent of so many Bollywood movies, with the “dost” screaming “Nahhhhhiiiinnn” and jumping in the way of a speeding bullet, or in this case and speeding something-else.

All in all, the action scenes were excellent, the story was more tediously involving, but the movie could have been a little faster; the end being especially dragging (I’d gotten so used to ending a Spiedy movie with a swinging Spiderman, I guess it was an anti-climax for me.) I think people coming for Spiderman don’t expect such sappy stuff, but hey, who am I to comment what with the record box office opening. 6 on 10 for Spidey 3.

Often times, we make mistakes in our lives, because we didn’t think a decision through and took it at the spur of the moment, based on our pre-conceived notions. My seeing this movie was one such blunder.

Untrue to its name, this movie is anything but express. At the end of the first half, the drunk sitting next to me had lost his high, and the ads for Original Kerala Jewellers actually made a bunch of fatally bored people take notice of the screen.

Here’s the summary – a tacky story directed without purpose, edited by a rookie with actors not yet successfully making the transition from modeling to acting and extras who only contribute to making the experience extra painful.

One of many unforgettable scenes was that of our protagonists coming upon a bunch of Afghans playing some sort of polo with a rug (or was that supposed to be an animal, Mr. production designer?). The extras were geeing the horse riders on with such mild enthusiasm that you would have thought that they weren’t even paid to do their roles.

Many such fascinating mistakes captured one’s imagination (and locked it away). A few of them being –

- The American journalist laughing at Imran Khan Afridi’s (IMA) joke despite not seeming to understand Hindi.

- Everyone still calling IMA a Taleb, although it was clear that he was working for the Pakistani government.

- IMA holding a gun to the Afghan driver’s head and asking him to say that the Afghans started the war. At this point, you don’t know that IKA isn’t a Taleb, so you might tend to skip it. But looking back why would a Pakistani ask an Afghan to say that the Talebs are the best? Perplexing.

- John Abraham’s hair continued to remain well conditioned throughout the movie, considering their hotel didn’t even have a roof. Need to get me some of that darn Clinic All Clear.

The most mind numbing part of the movie was when the two worst actors and dialogue deliverers, John and the lady had a conversation. You could just feel the patience of the audience stretching like a rubber band, about to snap.

To its credit, I guess the movie did try to be cool and non-conformist when John Abraham tried to criticize cricket when he called it “eleven men standing around holding their crotches” or something to that effect. Although, I still have a feeling that he was watching a very different “sport”. However, his Internet habits are none of my concern.

There were also a lot many scenes that I can’t seem to connect to the main plot of the movie too well. The Sufi singing, the boy with one leg, the Taleb leaving his daughter some USD sandwiched between rocks, without even speaking to her or seeing her face were all areas of the movie which seemed to have broken free of its eco system and developed lives of their own. I guess, as IMA said it, “There are some things you’ll never understand.” Thank goodness for that.

Another point to mention was the clichéd background music. I don’t know what it’s called, but that lady ululating in the background was cool when I first heard it in “The Gladiator”. Even in Troy, it was a little played out. Since then, it’s become quite over done, and this movie doesn’t even seem to have theme music to back the lady up. Her random ululations are worse than the theme song, which mysteriously starts after the intermission without any purpose and ends with a message – “buy Kabul Express music on Yashraj Music”.

I sent a text after the first half saying that this movie was a 5.5 out of 10 so far. I guess out of the 5.5, a substantial portion of the credit went to Arshad Warsi’s comic timing and the benefit of not knowing what was to follow. But that was just like Tendulkar batting in a South African one-dayer. How much can one man do?

The meandering plot found a couple of occasions to flash the American lady’s cleavage. She seemed to have no other obvious purpose in the movie, anyway. It also made skewed references to how Pakistan’s army ditches its own and how cowardly the Pakistani government is, and how we Indians are more friendly. I’m sure that this story is based on very sound facts that make all of us proud.

We’re slowly but surely getting to the level of Hollywood movies where all superheroes, earth shattering situations, aliens and alternate universes all necessarily come from or occur in America. The undertone of this movie was a pathetic attempt at being patriotic. If anything, it was just plain patronizing.

The moral of the story seems to be Imran Khan Afridi’s transition to a friendly old man from an aggressive old fart, showing how we assume even good people to be bad sometimes just based on stereotypes. Another parallel moral seemed to be that reporters can do nothing in war torn situations. That was quite a learning for me.

I will take the first moral of the film and apply it to my film watching the next time. Even a relatively decent sounding movie can be the equivalent of silent suffering. The only surprising part of the movie experience was how the uncle next to me who was wreaking of cheap whiskey managed to stay up through the duration of the movie. My friend, who hadn’t had a drink certainly couldn’t.

My rating: 2.5 on 10

Who should watch this movie: Couples desperate to make out, who’ve got bookings for the top corner seat.